I’m not sure if this one was ever posted on ‘the other side’.  It’s quite old and there are quite a few variations of it…


At Sydney University, there were four students taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with the finals approaching that the weekend before, they decided to go down to Canberra and party with some friends there.

They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the exam and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research in the ANU (Australian National University) archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they only just arrived now!

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night - and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, (which was out of 100 points) and told them to begin.

Question 1 was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. Cool, they all thought in their separate rooms, "this is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page…

Question 2 (for 95 points): Which tyre?

John Arne Riise has just been arrested on the M62. Apparently he was heading in the wrong direction.

I'll get my coat!

hahahah I love it, so simple hahah
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Baggio Per Sempre!

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.

This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure...



Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'Poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until thefingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.

This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly.

The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three Vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
 
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc ?'

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.

'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.

'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion. I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink, as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asks, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes, 'I sighed. 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife....'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

Superman was bored. So he gave Batman a call. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he looked through the window and saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: 'I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening'.

So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: 'Did you hear something?'

'No,' said the Invisible Man, 'but my arse hurts like hell!'
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'

The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'.

The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greenkeeper.  Let's have a word with him. Hello, George!’ said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

George the greenkeeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea.  I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls'

The Aussie said, 'Why can't they f##king play at night?
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

I'll be doing my best to remember the Aussie/golf one!

Possibly the greatest story in the history of football
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During the state banquet on the Queen's last visit to the US, George Bush finds himself sitting next to the Duke of Edinburgh. He engages the Duke in small talk between courses.

Dubya says, "Y'know, your Dukeness, I've been thinking about the constittytutional position of the United States, and I think that since we're the most important nation in the world, we should be something more than just a Republic - hell, even Zimbabwelandistan with that President Bob Mushareff is a Republic. I think that America should be a kingdom."

Prince Philip toys with a dessert fork before replying "But Mr President, to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and, because of the US Consitution you're not a King."

Dubya thinks for a while says: "How about a Principality then?"

The Duke of Edinburgh shakes his head. "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush".

Bush thinks some more. "How about an Empire then?"

The Duke is becoming impatient now." Some would say you are already an Empire, Mr. Bush, but to be an Empire one has to have an Emperor in charge. And you don't. You do, though, meet all the necessary criteria for being a country."

I woke up this morning to a knock on the door.

There were these two women going on and on about brown bread and how good it is for you.

They were there for half an hour, I couldn't get rid of them.

Bloody Hovis witnesses.

You are cordially invited to a barbeque at Osbaston House, Shropshire this coming weekend.

There will be plenty of alcohol available, but sadly, no Fosters...
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ACF FIORENTINA : FORZA LA VIOLA

I just forwarded that round the office, and the old dear on reception just replied "That's really sweet of you, unfortunately I can't make it but I hope you have a great time"!!!

Nice!  
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ACF FIORENTINA : FORZA LA VIOLA