One of the only threads that kept me going on 'the other side' needs rejuvenating. Have this for a starter:

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....

The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not ? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice "What is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

Quality punage, fella!

Have you heard from KMcC recently? Thought he would have been all over this new Foro by now...
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ACF FIORENTINA : FORZA LA VIOLA

Heaven knows what he's doing. From talking to Inter Bhoy in Milan last weekend I gather he is still there. As far as I know he sits somewhere on the Curva Nord. I'll drop him a line and see what he's up to.
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

What is yellow and dangerous ?

Shark infested custard.

Boom boom
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Forza Milan
Most successful European team EVER !

A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop.

After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: "How much is this bronze rat?".

The owner replied: "It's £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story."

The tourist gave the owner his £12 and said: "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing
and screeching in a very menacing way. He increased his speed and ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster and faster.

By now very concerned, he ran to down the pier and threw the bronze rat far out into the water. Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: "Ah, you've come back for the story then?"

"No," said the tourist. "I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim fundamentalist cleric, a student, a Celtic supporter, and anything French!"
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

...and a Zebina.

Apology to all Celtic supporters. Substitute any team you have a dislike for.
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

B&B, no need to apologise, the original version is fine as it is. By the way, if anyone can find such a statue I'd be willing to pay a large amount of money if that's what happens.
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Campioni d'Italia 2006-2007

Knowing American History
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, "Duck"!

The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that?

Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"

blackandblue wrote:

Apology to all Celtic supporters. Substitute any team you have a dislike for.

And no apologies to muslims? I find that very disrespectful.

sms wrote:

blackandblue wrote: Apology to all Celtic supporters. Substitute any team you have a dislike for. And no apologies to muslims? I find that very disrespectful.

Was not aimed at Muslims, was aimed at Muslim FUNDAMENTALISTS. I must add that I have no time for fundamentalists of any hue. I think the clue to them all is what comes after 'funda'...

And if you are a Muslim fundamentalist cleric, SMS, I don't give a damn.
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

You don't know a thing about Islam. Nor what is fundamentalism. So don't come in here telling ppl who/what is, or isn't fundamentalist. Get your head out of that sentimentally-coined garbage of an expression.

Frankly, I don't care. I reiterate I don't like fundamentalism of any kind. If you want to argue the toss start a different thread. This is for jokes. Don't like it, tough. One man's meat, and all that. What are you, Wahabi?

You are cracking me up, though .
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

Personally, I'm offended by the very fact his name is blackandblue. I have been a victim of domestic violence (a battered housewife, I may have you know), and bnb just brings tears to my eyes.

I find overly sensitive muslims offensive. In fact, overly sensitive anyones.

Whoa, chaps!

No fatwas or declarations of crusades, please.... This isn't the C4 news forum after all.

The etymology of fundamentalism/fundamentalist in religious terms is an interesting one; having worked with many Muslim students and discussed this at some length, I can understand why sms is offended, but I can equally understand why taking offence may appear to be an over-reaction. But either way, it'll only end in the sort of abuse normally reserved for the C4FI foro mods, so let's not go there. Please?

(I know my use of 'fatwa' is imprecise before anyone points this out).

I was reading this and couldn't understand why sms got offended. But then I thought about it and feel he has a point.
If we replace muslim fundamentalists with say chinese criminals or black/white or asian criminals in this very joke. Could a black white or asian person be offended by it? Yes. But the counter argument is that 'hey we all hate white criminals or black criminals or asian criminals'. However, that would be missing the point, which is that these words being compounded and reinforced in a joke may be deemed offensive to people of such groups, since black people can quite validly claim 'why are black criminals being highlighted?' as with other groups. So the telling of such joke in isolating one such group in such terms implies bias or prejudice which may have racist undertones.

blackandblue wrote:

Frankly, I don't care. I reiterate I don't like fundamentalism of any kind. If you want to argue the toss start a different thread. This is for jokes. Don't like it, tough. One man's meat, and all that. What are you, Wahabi? You are cracking me up, though .

Doesn't matter what I am; wahabi, sunni etc. Fact is, like Dave & Zeds said, expressions like that are considered deregatory, and in bad taste by many. You may not understand why. And may not cared. That's unfortunate. At least they do. May be I overreacted, so let's leave at that. It's a jokes thread.

Last edited by sms on 04-09-07 10:35; edited 1 time in total

Points taken from all sides. The subject ends here.

Damn, aren't we civilised on this forum !
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Non mollare mai.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject".

Now on the other forum there would just have been a ban with no explanation. This is the best way to solve issues IMO.
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AC Milan

7 times Champions of Europe