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   Football Italia Forum » Gwan bwoy, mek mi laff! Page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 8, 9, 10, 11  Next 
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Dave
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Post 02-05-10 00:07
This cri de coeur from a Grimsby fan is worth a look.

With the warning that it contains a lot of very rude words which would have had the poster's mother slapping his legs and washing his mouth out with soap (although perhaps accompanied with appreciation for his creative employment of the acute accent)

blackandblue
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Post 07-05-10 00:08
On his death bed, Earl Woods, Tiger's dad, gave Tiger the following advice....
     
"Focus on golf.

F*ck everything else."

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Post 19-05-10 12:34
It's an old one but............

Q - What is the definition of indefinitely ??

A - When your ba!!s are slapping of her @r$e, you are IN........DEFINITELY !!

kaka22
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Milan, 1860 Munich, Inverurie Locos

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Post 07-06-10 16:47
I recently picked up a some Jamie Oliver own brand sausages. It said prick with a fork on the packet.

I thought, that's true!!!

VB
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Post 04-09-10 23:59

Link

Myles
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Post 10-11-10 13:34
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.


Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. 'Mist all chucking frighty!!!' said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. 'Who's fust jarted??' asked the prandsome hince. 'Blame that fugly ucker over there!!' said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!

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Post 14-12-10 21:13
Found this quite funny. Bizarrely, I came across it while searching for some killer late 60's early 70's songs, the type you hear in good Vietnam war films but don't have a clue who they're by.

It has been reported that a major hurricane and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Liverpool in the early hours of this morning with its epicentre in the Croxteth area. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately 30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Chav FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened! One resident - a 15-year-old mother of 3 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Crystal-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking while I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Lambrini to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, Elizabeth Duke jewellery and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Microwave meals

Tins of baked beans

Ice cream

Anything off the pound saver menu from McDonalds

Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

6 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected

Lupo Pazzesco
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Post 14-12-10 22:12
A full Lacoste trackie should be on that list!
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Post 24-12-10 18:08
This vid made me laugh, especially when the flares come out.. Lech Poznan ultras at a err, under-12's game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26Ju8-AzH6I

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Post 24-12-10 18:09
It does put our supporters to shame

Mezz
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Manchester United, St Mirren

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Post 24-12-10 20:26
diatribe wrote:
Lech Poznan ultras at a err, under-12's game.


That's brilliant, that is, absolutely brilliant...

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Post 24-12-10 23:47
I am seriously considering a trip over there to see Wisla Krakow play. Culture, nightlife and pwopa nawtee football fans, what more could you want?

blackandblue
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Post 14-01-11 10:25
A Primary Teacher on Merseyside explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'

'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?'

'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!'

'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.

kaka22
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Milan, 1860 Munich, Inverurie Locos

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Post 26-01-11 21:52
I can't believe a film about a piece of fruit is causing such a stir at the Oscars.

All I'm hearing is "The King's Peach this, the King's Peach that"

Curva Fiesole
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Fiorentina, Manchester United, Cheltenham Town, Gloucester RFC

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Post 27-01-11 11:48
It would appear that Andy Gray was right after all.

blackandblue
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Post 06-02-11 12:48
I was sitting on the tube this morning opposite a really sexy Thai Cabin Crew bird. I thought to myself,

"Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

blackandblue
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Post 01-03-11 22:59
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.  Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.

Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Dave: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dave: - Er ... mmm ...... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Dave: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ...... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?

Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dave: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Dave: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.

Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Stuart: - What's that then?

Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Stuart: - Nope

Dave: - Well then, you're a w@nker!

Luftwaffles
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Juventus, Cruzeiro, Athletic Bilbao

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Post 31-03-11 09:57
" Come on Jim, Its 8 O' clock, time to get up!"
" I don't want to get up. Why do I have to get up?"
"Because you have to go to school"
"I don't want to go to school. Why do I have to go to school?"
"Because you'r the bleedin' headmaster"
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2013-2014 Juventus
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2015 Juventus
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66 Trophies ........and counting

Mezz
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Manchester United, St Mirren

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Post 14-04-11 23:42

blackandblue
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Post 19-04-12 00:12
I went to the pub last night and there was this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked past and said "F##king amazing legs!". The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now!"

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   Football Italia Forum » Gwan bwoy, mek mi laff! Page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 8, 9, 10, 11  Next 
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